Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
