i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
