when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize