oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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