Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
