You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
