I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
