Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
