I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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