i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
