I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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