Where is the hickey?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
