her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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