This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
