Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We had sex on a dog bed..
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
