I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
