So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
