Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
