When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
