the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
