Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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