it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
