dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
