I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
