1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
