It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
