we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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