I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
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