Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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