White coat. Heels.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
