i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
That's how pantless uber rides happen
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
