Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
