If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
