I'm passing your future prison.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
