I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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