i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
