so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
