I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
