We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
