mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
