are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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