today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
