new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
