Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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