I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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