So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
