the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
