Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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