i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
