I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
