Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
