went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm getting married
To pizza
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
