his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
