I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
