can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Did I show you my penis last night?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
