And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
