She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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