WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
