And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
