Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
