does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think I sprained my soul last night
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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